The purpose of this article is to challenge some of the questions that stem from the mechanism that society often uses in assessing value to a specific group of members, while manipulating others into acting according to its system of beliefs. With that in mind, I hope that the insights I am about to give you will make you question whether the decisions you have made so far in your life, are really…well…yours.

Living on different frequencies

There are some people who experience life with every ounce of energy that their body can produce. Every experience seems to incite excitement and bring out another side of them to the surface, caring for nothing, but coming out with new ideas for that new project that they have been working on, or googling futile questions, perhaps even spending two hours collecting oddly specific information about inflation, even though they don’t show that much interest in economics. I understand where these people’s incentives are coming from, because, for some reason, no matter how much I learn, my thirst for knowledge and unexplored subjects is never quenched either.

“Standing for everything and falling for everything” ( my apologies to you, Alexander Hamilton for twisting your words:) ). In search of the essence of life

Most of the times, I get so caught up in trying to understand everything, that I get overwhelmed and eventually find myself jumping from one opportunity to the other. That may come in the form of a new hobby, or a new book that I can delve into. The problem is, at the end of the day, I can’t precisely point to just one thing that fulfills me, I can’t figure out what the world has put aside for me, or what I should be working towards, or investing time into doing. It’s not that I stand for nothing, the opposite is true, I stand for everything, but still fall for everything.

To be honest, I sometimes envy the people who have just one plan worked out and tucked in their sleeve, who say no to what is inessential and superfluous, and who don’t ponder trivia, have the urge to overexplain themselves or mull over every past conversation or human interaction. The people who know for certain that where they are is the right place to be, and who find the self-sufficiency every once in a while, to allow themselves a respite. However, I would never want to switch places with these people for more than a day, as I would miss my hectic routine. In the midst of activity, I hope to find purpose and meaning, that will guide me through each step I take.

You can progress despite facing uncertainty

Peculiarly enough, contrary to most educators’ or parents’ beliefs, being uncertain and lost is the most productive place that you can be in, as your confidence starts developing through fighting off doubts. Just because you have no idea as to where you are going, it doesn’t mean that you are not going in the right direction. In fact, there is not just one destination, but a great deal of them and each one is an extension of the former. Decisions will always bring about some sort of change, but as long as you dare to move forward, you needn’t worry about making the wrong move, as there will be plenty of chances to redeem yourself and grow in tandem with your decisions.

In connection with the question of whether one has to have all the answers to the enigmas coming their way, it would be more than appropriate to add that society and most significantly the education system has deeply ingrained into us the idea that we could only be one thing, that specialization inherently generates success: “You can’t be a great athlete and a great student”, and in the later years of life:” You can’t be a successful entrepreneur and a great mother”, and other such biases. Furthermore, as students, we are expected to live up to the standard of “academic weapons”, come up with solutions to problems in the classroom in seconds, sit 60-minute exams, and pretend that we have understood our assignments, even though we can’t seem to see the point of what is thrown in our face. Introspection and valuable output are not as important as creating “sharp thinkers” who end up having to rethink their life when they step out in the real world and realize that many of their questions have remained unanswered. But you know who the real winners are? “The social butterflies’’, with their exuberant character and likable personality, that put the rest of people, with less social energy or fewer social skills in a corner. The traits displayed by extroverts are real tools of influence. In support of this statement, in his highly acclaimed book,’” Influence, the psychology of persuasion”, Robert B. Cialdini describes the key principles of influence, one of them being authority. Put simply, leaders and people who give people the impression of superiority benefit from the credibility of their status and, are therefore more respected. We all want to be associated with people who have these social labels and are influential in our friend group since it also makes us look good in the eyes of others. Nevertheless, while trying to bathe in someone else’s glory, we slowly lose our sense of self.

I would argue that illusory confidence and excessive exuberance are far from being traits we should value as a society. After all, the silent student in the back of the class could have brilliant ideas that you as a teacher are not willing to pay attention to because you are too lured in by the physically attractive football player who makes hilarious remarks or the fashion enthusiast who never fails to compliment you on your choice of attire.  Yet these individuals are still the ones securing jobs, shining in job interviews and making it in the close circle of employers.

Is there such thing as right or wrong?

All this time, I was under the impression that just because I didn’t go with the crowd or that I would spend my time differently, or maybe felt differently about certain things, that I was too much, or too fragile, or too profound, that I should try to fit in a world that wants nothing more than steal my real face and convince me that being part of  “the many”( reference to a lever of influence introduced in the book mentioned above) is better than the agony of individuality. We are experts in everything, yet the expertise is not ours, we have nothing. How am I supposed to excel at 10 school subjects, under the premise of “ you never know when it will come in handy”, which just generates more anxiety, more uncertainty, and more graduate unemployment. Going by the book is not cutting it for me anymore, and neither is having other people’s principles and empty life advice and promises going to dictate my life.

If you take anything from this article, let it be this, maybe the people who pretend to be “the adults” with all the answers, don’t want to help you decide what is best for you, but reaffirm their own beliefs by convincing you to foster their mentality. Advice is only valuable if you learn from whom to take it, and even if the person who is offering it is genuinely knowledgeable, the information still needs to be processed and adapted to your own needs.

Is the person you aspire to become a reflection of what you think is sociably acceptable, or are there other things in store for you that you are unaware of? What is important to me? What am I missing from this? Introspection…

Melania Balint